I wanted to tell him how I felt
Of my anxieties
But I was afraid
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, he would say.
Or, white people problems.
Or I don't see what the point in worrying about it is.
It's only money
Kids are resilient
You worry too much
When I find myself worrying about things that I can't change, I just think about something else instead
So I'll smile instead, try to explain my worries away
Downplay my objections and feelings, quiet my counter-points in my search for validation
Give it all up and slowly nod, looking fraught, as I decide in my head
Never to tell him again.