Saturday, October 18, 2014

Lesson 1

Sevilla is teach Caden karate. She said she learned it from a book.

Sevy: Lesson 1: You must be calm as a cloud. Take deep breathes, and let them out carefully. You must be calm, and gentle, but at the same time, you must be tough (she punches her fist into her hand for emphasis).

(Caden leaps to attention and gives her a salute).

Sevy: Then as you are being calm, you must do dances, but like fighting, like fight-dancing. This is like ballet, but also karate. But we must not use the weapons in ballet.
Caden: Can we fight now?
Sevy: No, we're not fighting, I'm teaching you. Go sit in the wise blanket.

I can't wait for lesson 2.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Running by numbers

I often laugh at the people who run according to their Garmin.

"We're not done!" they will squeal, pointing at their watches in objection as we approach our final destination. "This is supposed to be a 7-mile run! We've only gone 6.92!" 

They will run to the end of the parking lot in exaggerated fashion, arms pumping and watch a-checking until they reach the critical 7.00. 

I will laugh, and sometimes run with them as I tease, "That's right! It doesn't count otherwise!" Yet I am guilty of something similar myself. 

I realized this
As I run tonight
Towards the end of the pier

It was a run to the beach and back 
But to run to the beach
And not run all the way to the pier 
Touch the gate, then turn back
Well, this would be the worst kind of behavior. 

Sunday, October 5, 2014


I wanted to tell him how I felt
Of my anxieties
But I was afraid

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, he would say.
Or, white people problems.
Or I don't see what the point in worrying about it is.

It's only money
Kids are resilient
You worry too much
When I find myself worrying about things that I can't change, I just think about something else instead

So I'll smile instead, try to explain my worries away
Downplay my objections and feelings, quiet my counter-points in my search for validation
Give it all up and slowly nod, looking fraught, as I decide in my head
Never to tell him again.