Saturday, October 18, 2014

Lesson 1

Sevilla is teach Caden karate. She said she learned it from a book.

Sevy: Lesson 1: You must be calm as a cloud. Take deep breathes, and let them out carefully. You must be calm, and gentle, but at the same time, you must be tough (she punches her fist into her hand for emphasis).

(Caden leaps to attention and gives her a salute).

Sevy: Then as you are being calm, you must do dances, but like fighting, like fight-dancing. This is like ballet, but also karate. But we must not use the weapons in ballet.
Caden: Can we fight now?
Sevy: No, we're not fighting, I'm teaching you. Go sit in the wise blanket.

I can't wait for lesson 2.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Running by numbers

I often laugh at the people who run according to their Garmin.

"We're not done!" they will squeal, pointing at their watches in objection as we approach our final destination. "This is supposed to be a 7-mile run! We've only gone 6.92!" 

They will run to the end of the parking lot in exaggerated fashion, arms pumping and watch a-checking until they reach the critical 7.00. 

I will laugh, and sometimes run with them as I tease, "That's right! It doesn't count otherwise!" Yet I am guilty of something similar myself. 

I realized this
As I run tonight
Towards the end of the pier

It was a run to the beach and back 
But to run to the beach
And not run all the way to the pier 
Touch the gate, then turn back
Well, this would be the worst kind of behavior. 

Sunday, October 5, 2014


I wanted to tell him how I felt
Of my anxieties
But I was afraid

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, he would say.
Or, white people problems.
Or I don't see what the point in worrying about it is.

It's only money
Kids are resilient
You worry too much
When I find myself worrying about things that I can't change, I just think about something else instead

So I'll smile instead, try to explain my worries away
Downplay my objections and feelings, quiet my counter-points in my search for validation
Give it all up and slowly nod, looking fraught, as I decide in my head
Never to tell him again.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

It's not a good day unless you get to go to space

Driving with the kids in the car on school holiday. I don't have to go into work. The entire day is ours.

Me: What do you want to do today, guys? We can do whatever we want!
Sevy: Not WHATEVER we want.
Me: No, you're right.
Sevy: We can't blow up Alaska.
Me: No. But we wouldn't want to do that... why would we want to do that?
Caden. Can we go to space?
Me: No... we can't go to space.
Sevilla: Of course we can't go to space!
Caden: Why can't we go to space??
Me: (stalling, trying to think creatively) Well... we just can't.
Caden (throwing hands up in despair): Mom NEVER lets us go to space!

Thursday, August 7, 2014


Some people kill themselves suddenly one day
Leaving many wondering why

Others do it gradually, in plain sight
Just by going into work.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Sick days

Got to hang out with Caden today as he was not feeling well - we stayed in all morning, went for a walk on the beach later, then sat and looked at the waves. We sat there together without saying much of anything, and when it was time to go back he walked next to me and kept pace on the 1-2 mile walk to the car without saying one negative word.

If Sevilla had been there they would have complained and whined together, but alone with me he took it all in his stride. We moved comfortably and said nothing as we walked.

He is my dreamer, my introvert, my barefoot hippie. I have working-mommy-guilt on their sick days as I worry about taking time off work, but at the end of the day I am selfishly, blissfully glad for the one-on-one time.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014


Me: So how was your day, you guys?
Sevy: Mom, the kids in the school are mean to me. They push me and they won't talk to me. And then I touched one of them on the arm and they screamed in my face.
Me: Who does this to you, Sevilla?
Sevy: All of them. All except Ella G. And the teacher.
Me: So what exactly happened? What did they do?
Sevy: I was walking and they pushed me down. And I fell on the ground, like this (she demonstrates). And I hurt my knee and it was blood.
Me: Who pushed you down?
Sevy: All of them.
Me: All of the kids? There must have been one or two specifically.
Sevy: Oh, there was. Uh-huh. It was a boy.
Me: (trying to understand) But why? Why did he do that?
Sevy: I don't know. Maybe he was having a bad morning.
Caden: Mommy, now me. Listen to my problem.
Me: Ok buddy.
Caden: I was at school, and someone pushed me down. And I fell and I got a scratch and it was blood. And the teacher wasn't even there.
Me: Aw, buddy...
Caden: And then, I looked, and do you know what it was? It was... a GIANT SPIDER!
Me: Ah.
Caden: It was a Daddylong-Spider. And then I heard something and I went upstairs and it was a DINOSAUR!
Sevy: Caden, dinosaurs aren't even alive anymore.
Caden. It was a Rinocerous dinosaur. And it picked me up... and it THREW me.
Sevy: That didn't happen, Caden.
Caden: And it cracked my head. And I died.
Me: Wow.
Caden: And that was my problem.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Are you just sayin' animals now?

I found this note from a few years ago, and it made me laugh. The kids would have been 3 and 5. They still like playing animal guessing games and are not that much better at it today.

This was from October, 2012.

Sevy and Caden playing a game during bathtime where one has to describe an animal and the other guesses what it is. They play this game every day and never get tired of it.

Sevy: Ok, my turn. What has... a tail like a beaver...
Caden: A beaver!
Sevy: No, I'm not finished! What has... a tail like a beaver...
Caden: A beaver's tail!
Sevy: (laughing) No! What has... a tail like a beaver, AND a beak like a duck...
Me: (thinking I know it) AH!
Sevy: ...and it's blue.
Caden: A ladybird!
Sevy: No! I said it's blue.
Caden: A ladybird is blue.
Sevy: No, a ladybird is red.
Caden: An elephant! Sevy:
Caden! Is an elephant BLUE?
Caden: An octopus! Sevy: Caden, are you just sayin' animals now, or are you really thinking of it? Caden: A WHALE!